Author Irene Zutell Brings You "Abercrombie's Bitch"

Author Irene Zutell created this poem that ran on the Huffington-Post recently. I thought it was so *spot-on* LA lifestyle (meaning it really happens here.. and you do get treated that way) .

At a mall shopping for something to wear,
Within the store I felt strangers stare
at me. Was I paranoid? Did I smell? Did I twitch?
No. I was experiencing… Abercrombie and Fitch.
Abercrombie and Fitch is no regular store.
It’s hipper-than-thou with ripped jeans galore
Techno music so loud you can hardly think.
Like some trendoid club–without cover or drink.
I felt out of place, the vibe was so wrong.
But I tried to blend in; to pretend I belonged.
I gazed at the posters of young boys with six packs.
Were they there in the flesh, I’d have had to attack.
Gay or not they’d succumb to my feminine charms.
As I struggled and writhed in their sinewy arms.
Then a salesgirl approached. Can I help you, she droned.
Her nose ring was steel; her lipstick was bone.
She said something else, I couldn’t quite hear.
As she scratched at the tramp stamp, fresh cut on her rear.
She shot me a look of pity-tinged pain.
“Are you lost? Ann Taylor is just down the lane.”
“Or Talbots? Chico’s? Coldwater Creek?”
“I’m just browsing,” I snapped at this sideshow freak.
She eyed me as I picked up a tiny jean skirt.
It was ripped, paint spattered and stone washed in dirt.
Then I held up a tank top embroidered with lace.
She sucked in her cheeks as a smirk crossed her face.
“Is that for your daughter? Just tell me her size.”
She asked me while glaring straight at my thighs.
“No, it isn’t.” I stammered, now feeling quite ill.
“Most women your age prefer to shop at J.Jill.”
Get away from me bitch! I thought to myself
As I grabbed destruction wear bootlegs from off a shelf.
On my way to the fitting room above the deafening din,
She shrieked, “if you need a larger size, I’ll bring it right in.”
My reflection was cruel… a soul-searing show.
It was a funhouse mirror– a self-esteem blow.
Of course, nothing fit. It seemed I would pop.
The denim skirt gave me a huge muffin top.
I wanted to sneak out and avoid that rude bitch
I vowed never again, Abercrombie and Fitch.
It wasn’t for me. I was too old.
I’d head down to Chico’s like I had been told.
I’d buy mom jeans with waists of elastic.
I didn’t need Abercrombie to make me fantastic.
When I finally snuck out, of course there she was.
Her bitchiness gave her a powerful buzz.
What do I do? Do I admit she was right?
Do I say, “nothing fit. The skirt was too tight.”
Do I say, “I can’t hear you. The music’s too loud?”
Do I say “I’m not right for this young, trendy crowd”?
She was waiting for me to surrender the clothes.
She was bored. She tugged at the ring on her nose.
I stared back at her and did… what I had to do.
“You’re right. Nothing fit. I’ll need a size two.”
She knew I was lying, but I didn’t care.
I’d buy a skirt that I’d never wear.
Perhaps that’s the secret only this bitch knows.
No one really wears Abercrombie and Fitch clothes.

Irene Zutell, is an author of Pieces of Happily Ever After , created and co-executive produced a TV show.
Stevie Wilson,, inc.

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Author: Stevie Wilson

Digital and social media pioneer and visionary meets disruptive innovator with a passion for topics and conversations that reveal insight into the So. California lifestyle. appeals to a global audience (from Asia to Africa; Middle East to Europe, No. America to Latin America) in variety of topics and sectors: style (beauty and fashion), health & fitness, entertainment (movies, TV, books, music and more) ; food, beverages & spirits; IT Security + tech , travel, special events (red carpet to green carpet) I am known for interviews ( podcasts , textual and video conversations) with notables, celebrities and companies about interesting products & brands; profiles about places that reflect the So. CA vision and special events (Oscars, Golden Globes, Emmys & other events that illustrate celebrity , athletes and home-town "stars" lifestyle and initiatives.) that illuminate the insider's perspective of So. California's lifestyle . Learn what's hot in Los Angeles, NYC, MIami and stops closer to home that make this blog a must-read because the voice, attitude, authenticity and ability to grasp the essence of most sectors, brands & products make it easy for consumers to earn what makes a brand, initiative or product unique - whether, food, fashion or finance (or any other topic "on the table") With 15+ Years online launching websites, online magazines, forums, products & brands, my voice, authenticity and ability to grasp the essence of most sectors, brands & products make it easy for me to share what the online audience and consumers alike want to learn- how to shop, live and reflect the lifestyle they wish to emulate. Need to leverage digital and social media space? Reach out to me!

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