This is an unusual post. It’s also an interesting one. While we all think we cover our emotional tracks pretty well, it’s not impossible to read when someone is working at a deficit or not at their optimum emotionally. Particularly during holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mothers Day and Fathers Day, it’s easy to find that you are stressed out due to the “family” equation with parents, siblings — and if you are married– your own family. It might not even involve your familial relationships directly but be eliciting those same reactions and feelings in the workplace or in other aspects of your life. The point of this guest post from Joe Nunziata (author, professional speaker, business and spiritual life coach) is that no matter what aspect of your life is causing you problems or making you feel less adequate, inept and even scared, you can overcome this by doing what Joe Nunziata calls an “emotional operating system upgrade”. What is an Emotional Operating System upgrade? Read on!
Does Your Emotional Operating System Need an Upgrade?
By Joe Nunziata
Your life is a reflection of your emotional state of being. You have developed a system to deal with, and process, emotions based on what you learned as a child. Your specific Emotional Operating System is the result of many factors, including:
-your DNA;
-your karma;
-your parents;
-how you learned to manipulate others;
-how you learned to get what you want;
-how you learned to survive;
-and what you learned watching your parents
Most of us did not grow up in an environment where expressing emotions was safe or acceptable. In many cases, the display of emotion was met with resistance and ridicule. Human beings are designed to adapt and survive. Once you realize expressing your feelings is not allowed, you naturally shut down your emotions as a defense mechanism. This protects you from the negative energy and pain.
The result of this tactic is not feeling your emotions. The only question is how you learned to avoid your feelings. The most common techniques are repression, self-criticism, compulsive behavior and acting out.
Let’s look at each of these and how they impact your life.
Repression:
In this case, you have learned to push the emotions down. The problem is, your energy is always moving and it has to go somewhere. This blocked energy can manifest in illness, create accidents or other problems in your life.
Self-criticism:
You may have been trained to beat yourself up when things do not go as you hoped or expected. This creates internal stress and lowers your energy. You will also feel unworthy and undeserving.
Compulsive Behavior:
Another great way to avoid your feelings is with compulsive behavior. What do you do when you feel stressed or upset? Some favorite options are, cleaning, eating, alcohol, drugs, exercise or work. This is how many people deal with emotions they do not want to feel. It is a great distraction and it moves you out of your feelings.
Acting Out:
This is the method of using other people and situations to create drama or an outburst. A person who acts out uses the outside world to shift the focus of their feelings. This type of person has learned to manipulate energy and others to play their game. By creating drama, all of the emotion is focused on the outside event.
Your emotional operating system has been developed and perfected over many years. You watched your parents, saw what worked and developed your own system. Once in place, this is the way you process and manage your emotions. Unfortunately, most of us were not exposed to any emotional upgrades.
We are constantly upgrading our computer and cellphone systems. Every time you receive a notice, you quickly update your software. This ensures your device will be working at the highest level. You should be doing the same thing for your emotional operating system. Too bad we do not receive a notice to upgrade ourselves.
Your Emotional Operating System with Joe Nunziata video!
The process of upgrading your emotional system is based on a few keys items. First, and most important, is your desire to change and accept that you are the issue. There can be no blame or judgment here. These feelings move you into victim mode and there is no power in this state.
As I said earlier, your life reflects your emotional state. When you change your emotional state, you change your life in the physical world. All lasting changes in your life are internal. The external is simply showing you how you are doing on the inside.
The question is…how do I upgrade my Emotional Operating System and make the changes I am truly seeking?
Here are the 5 steps to help you upgrade:
1-Awareness:
When I say awareness, I am not referring to your surroundings. I am referring to your feelings. It is very important to be aware of how you are feeling all day long. Most people run around all day from one task to the next and then move into their behavior to deal with issues. Now you want to stop when something upsets you and ask yourself this simple question: “How do I feel?” This simple question will change your life forever.
2-Acceptance:
Next, you have to accept how you feel without judgment. What does that mean? Your feeling is not good or bad, it simply is what it is. If you feel angry, you must allow yourself to feel that emotion. Do not say or think, “I should not be angry about this”. That is a judgment and it will take you out of your emotion.
3-Identify What You are Really Feeling:
When dealing with emotions, it is important to truly understand what you are actually feeling. You may be feeling angry, for example, but that is not what you are actually feeling. I always ask clients to go under the surface feeling and identify what they are really feeling.
Why are you angry? How is this person or situation making you feel? For example, one of my clients, Judy, was having issues at work. She was always angry at her boss for not acknowledging her ideas. When I asked her about the feeling she said, “I feel like I do not matter and what I say is not important. It makes me feel unworthy.”
4-Finding the Emotional Anchor:
Once you know what the feeling is, unworthiness in this case, you have to find out where it started. Who made you feel unworthy as child? This will be tied back to one of you parents. Judy was able to track this back to her father. She remembered a specific incident when she finished a science project and was excited to show her father. He was dismissive and made her feel the project was no big deal.
Judy was angry with her father, but on a deeper level, she was hurt, felt unimportant and unworthy.
5-Allow Yourself to Feel the Emotion:
When you bring up an incident like this it is charged with emotion. Most of us have been conditioned to block the feeling in some way. Now you are going to allow yourself to be angry at your father and then feel the unworthiness you have been blocking. You are not necessarily angry at your father. You are upset about how he made you feel. Feel the feeling in a pure sense with no judgment. This emotional exercise releases the negative energy you have been holding.
Every time you allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment, you are upgrading your Emotional Operating System. Be aware of how you feel and let the emotions flow. You will shift your energy and change your life for the better.
Joe Nunziata
Biography:
Joe Nunziata (http://joenunz.com/) is a best-selling author, spiritual life and business coach, and professional speaker who teaches that to make permanent changes you must clear your negative energy and break destructive patterns of behavior at the core level. The transformational process that Joe developed enables people to create new energy and beliefs designed to achieve sustained, positive growth in all areas of life. Since 1992, Joe has been delivering his life-changing message at events and seminars and his programs that blend spirituality, psychology, philosophy and the power of internal energy. He has appeared on many television and radio programs including Good Day New York and Street Talk on Fox TV, Cablevision News 12, Gaiam TV, Better TV, The Braveheart Network and various radio stations across the country.
Receive FREE instant access to his powerful Karma Buster webinar at http://freekarmaclass.com
Follow Joe Nunziata on these social platforms:
Website: http://jnunziata.com/
Joe Nunziata’s blog: http://karmabuster.em.extrememember.com/blog/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JoeyNunziata
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JoeNunziata
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpGyYbR_3g6r2zy7AmNDRww
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=362917335&trk=nav_responsive_tab_profile
Our deep appreciation to Joe Nunziata for this great article/post. It’s so relevant today.. whether dealing with your parents and siblings, work relationships or your own personal family relationships like spouse/partner and children. Once you realize that your emotional system upgrade can change your view of relationships and how you deal with them, it will change everything in your life from your work to your own self-image.
Don’t miss out on the Karma Buster webinar either! It’s free!
Stevie Wilson,
LA-Story.com
DEALS and STEALS
I am required to tell you that I am an “affiliate” with these brands. I curate deals that offer bonuses, bargains and great products –and some are very specifically for this site to feature to YOU!
The amount I make has yet to be determined that despite people going to visit the links (and it’s in the thousands every month), I have yet to have anyone buy anything from them.
Subscribe to RSS headline updates from:
Powered by FeedBurner
If you are going to feature content from LA-Story.com including podcasts or videos including the accompanying text, please respect copyright provisions. We require a notation of content origination (meaning credit tag), a linkback to the specific page & please email the link to stevie@la-story.com before the piece goes live.
LA-Story.com, LA-Story Recessionista, Celebrity Stylescope, Celebrity Style Slam Trademark/Copyright: KBP Inc./TNBT Inc 2007-16
He is really smart. The DNA parent business can’t be overstated, but we all have ancestry, and all of it is wild and crazy. I like the anchor and feel technique, which reminds me of the contemplative people I studied with last year. It is important to feel it…what ever it may be, rather than repress or disguise it. Great post!
I would love to get your take (or maybe I should go back and find that post of yours too) on this because I think it’s something that many are dealing with. Repressing or disguising it will just blow up in someone’s face.