From the blog, Living in a Perfect World
Something Lacking
My last remaining grandmother is dying and as we speak, I suffer no sense of emotional strain over the fact at hand. I cannot fully understand my lack of grief. I do love the woman. After all, she gave birth to my mother. Without her link in the chain, I would not exist. Yet her inevitable passing seems not to affect me.
Am I too far removed from her presence to be touched? Have so many years passed since our last meeting that somehow she was already deleted from the memory bank of my world.? Should this be the case, which surely it is, am I not less than human? I am a man who once cried aloud for mercy at the passing of his father’s mother, but now things are different. How?
Have my tear ducts swelled shut from years of overuse– or am I quite simply a different man all together. One who is more able to cope with the inevitabilities of life. One who is no longer trapped behind a wall of guilt which constantly drains his emotional strength; but one who has learned to let go of the pain over things which are so obviously beyond his control.
The passing of time has most certainly given me a great number of tools which I did not possess earlier on in life. Still I remain baffled at the complete lack of sadness to which I have fallen victim. I guess however I feel is how I should feel and things will be what they are.
This world was not meant to be fully understood and some things must be seen as beyond the scope, so to speak. I am not a great man in the eyes of the world. Who am I to question the way things work? I will silently sit in contemplation of life’s passing moments until one day my time here will also come to an end. I can only hope that at that passing I am able to look back and see that my life was not wholly a burden to others but that in living I was able to relieve some of their collective suffering
I love you, Grammy.
Jeheshua
What’s your “perfect world”?
LPW
Thank you to LivinginaPerfectWorld.com and Jeheshua for these posts.
Stevie Wilson, LA-Story.com
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