Letting Go of a Toxic Friend the Day Before His Birthday Guest Blog

You have seen Marie Bargas on this blog before (many many times!) but this time she’s giving us a post about some of her own life. Whether you are a doctor, a banker or a psychic, no one’s life is perfect. Here Marie shares some things going on in HER life that will make it clear that nothing is perfect– not for anyone.

I was moved to post a comment today on facebook that I think merits and entire blog.

“Tomorrow is the birthday of an “ex-best friend” who has been hounding me for weeks to give him my phone number because all he has now is my email. Contrary to what he says I have not “dumped” him because I’ve “grown too big for my britches.” He does not have my new number because I can’t trust him. Why? After years of putting up with his alcoholic outbursts, I have accepted that he is never going to sober up. He is never going to stop being an abusive prick. He is never going to realize that drugs and alcohol don’t make him more creative, more interesting, or a more enlightened person. Drugs make him a “junkie” and I won’t tolerate that in my life. I’m sorry. But that is where I draw the line.”

Soon after I posted it I realized that I am still very, very angry at this person, even though it’s been a year since we’ve connected in person. Honestly, I’m livid and it’s because in hindsight I realize that I put up with his behavior for years because I am the adult child of an alcoholic.
There… I’ve said it.

You see, during one of our heart to heart talks I admitted this to him and I believe that he has exploited this information to his advantage… for years. Why? Because he knew that an adult child of an alcoholic is in the unique position of having experience in aiding and abetting alcoholic behavior. And at the time we began being friends I was not self-aware enough not to be susceptible to his manipulation. Today, I have learned and I have grown, so I have called him on his behavior. In response, he has denied that he has a problem. So today, we are at a standstill because I refuse to budge. My only choice was to cut him out of my life… and so I did.

Several weeks ago I received an email from one of those databases that asks permission to have access to my personal information, especially my new phone number and it was from him. I deleted that email and have received three more. I blocked the app, but not before it stirred up some old feelings that I should finally put to rest once and for all. Alcoholics in the midst of the active part of their disease live in an alternate reality. In that alternate reality they believe that they have done nothing wrong. They conveniently “forget” the times that they have lied, been abusive, cheated, stolen, etc… They believe that they are still essentially “good people” and some are particularly adept at flipping the situation and making the people who are backing away from their chaotic behavior feel like they are “selfish” and “abandoning.” I know this intellectually, but emotionally I am still livid that he would think that I am still susceptible to his fleeting charms. The truth is this may be his last ditch effort to reconnect with someone who genuinely cared about him. But keep in mind that is in the past tense. Today, I have actively and openly chosen to take care of myself and leave him behind.

Almost a year ago today, we had a fight while he was driving me back from a business meeting because I would not agree to work for him over a weekend… for free. That’s right. He wanted me to give up a weekend to work for him for free because he was stuck on an idea that he was convinced was going to be the next big thing. When I refused he turned on me. He told me that I had no talent as a writer and then he insulted my spirituality. He told me that I must be crazy to be a Pagan, a witch and a psychic. He threw me out of his car blocks away from my house. And then he rolled down his window and spit at me. From that moment on he lost my friendship –and truthfully I don’t think he is ever going to get it back.

In the following months he texted me an apology several times and I never responded.
Why?
Tell me how many times you’ve accepted an apology via text. I don’t. I think that’s a cowardly way to make amends. You see I expect him not to even remember why we had a fight because he was drunk and/or high. When we went to the meeting he was sauced and barely able to hide it. Knowing him, he probably popped a pill or two before hand to calm his nerves. So I doubt that he will admit to lying to me about what happened that day. In fact I expect him to blame me for “making him angry” and at this point I really don’t want to hear that.
What I’d like to hear is a heartfelt, sincere apology, but I am not going to get one from him because he’s an alcoholic in the active, manic throes of a disease. Personally, if I had wanted to be a psychiatric nurse I would have gone to school to be one. From what I have read and from what I have learned from therapists who treat alcoholism and drug addiction, he is a very dangerous person to have in my life. I’m done with him.

I don’t doubt that my “ex-best friend” is lonely because alcoholism drives people away. As an intuitive counselor, I advise my clients to leave toxic people behind in order to improve their own lives. Today I am following my own advice.

Thanks to Marie Bargas, YourPopPsychic.com for this post on how to let go of some people in your life!

Check her out on www.yourpoppsychic.com

Stevie Wilson,
LA-Story.com

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