Children and parenting is a fact of many people’s lives. It’s certainly a fact of my life. I found that being a parent was as challenging as it was thrilling ( maybe more so). When events like a sick child or a baby who would not sleep came up, I had two people to turn to my mom who worked full-time and couldn’t remember what she did when she has little ones and my pediatrician. I have to say I relied on my pediatrician quite a bit for information. He tried to help me find solutions when my baby was not taking naps during the day and would wake 2-3 times a night. I was one frazzled, overly nervous and confused mom. Most of my friends either were married without kids or their kids were significantly older. Who does one turn to as a new parent when there are dilemmas on how to get a baby past colic or get them to take a nap on a regular basis. Mine only took 20 minutes naps 3 times a day. I was exhausted and I had no solutions other than waiting it out.
Recently I talked to a friend of mine who is a contributor to LA-Story when she has time: Justine O’Neill is a super-smart, savvy woman with a lightning-fast mind. She’s amazing! And she’s also a mom of 2 children. Justine shared her new consulting gig which is working with parents who were having difficulties with a child not sleeping through the night. At that moment, I suddenly had that memory of my child not sleeping through the night at 5 or 6 months, much less four months old. I wondered what magic potion Justine had. Justine is now a Child Sleep Consultant. (Yes, there is an official name for what she does!) It’s an interesting pivot point for Justine but in truth, she’s perfect. I don’t know what her magic potion is.. But she has a magic touch to help parents (Hey Moms and Dads) help their babies to sleep.
Here’s the official *bit* about Justine from her website: SleepyByeFamily.com
I’ve always loved children, working with them and learning about them. I spent the better part of my early adulthood bouncing between nanny work, a return to school for early childhood development and teaching pre-school. Ultimately I was just looking forward to being a mom but in my late 20’s I found myself in the middle of a career that I didn’t expect and didn’t particularly love. I had a nagging dissatisfaction that I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose. That feeling finally went away when I had my first child. I stopped working and stayed home to raise my family, a different kind of work that is unimaginably hard and amazing at the same time. Two years later I had my second child and dug in even deeper, entrenched in the “mommy world”. I found myself becoming the advice giver (solicited and unsolicited) and the “sister wife” to many other mothers. Sometimes these women were my friends but often they were the new mom in the line ahead of me at Target or Trader Joe’s…and I loved it…I LOVE LOVE LOVE talking to new moms and experienced moms and moms who have tons of experience but have simply lost their way. I knew that I would go back to work at some point and I knew that it would be different, something I had passion for, that resonated with me personally and filled my growing need to support other parents.
Justine O’Neill is now the parenting & children contributor to LA-Story.com. She will post as she has time and mostly it’s going to be elements from her own blog and website that I can snag and then have you “jump” to her site and get the details from her. Best to get it direct from the mouth of this near-wonder mom! For all of your tired and exhausted parents seeking help and answers, check out her website– and happy reading here.
This is Justine’s launch post as a semi-regular contributor. If you have questions feel free to drop them in the comments or email me and I will forward them to Justine!
When I had my first child our pediatrician told us not to tell anyone that he was sleeping through the night at 4 months of age, “People will hate you, and you could also jinx it,” she said. I heeded her advice and as I heard the war stories of other new moms, I kept my mouth shut, smiled and nodded. My silence often ended up being suspect to at least one mother who would then direct the question, “How does he sleep?” I would be vague, “Well…he’s a good sleeper.” The more specific questions would then follow and as I tend to struggle with outright lying, I would eventually have to admit, “He sleeps through the night.” They would press on, “Through? As in 5 hours stretches right? Not 12 hours….right? RIGHT!?” Except that he did sleep for 12 hours a night at 4 months of age. He was what I refer to as a ‘unicorn baby’, a magical, mythical, creature of a baby that required 10 minutes of sleep training and blessed us with full nights of quiet and deep sleep. Eleven months later my unicorn baby decided he would never sleep again. I had jinxed it; I should have lied to those women! I now know why my first child so seamlessly fell into full nights, and I now know why he went completely off the rails at 15 months, but back then I did not- as I had not yet become a certified Child Sleep Consultant.
Back then, I was exhausted, fully sleep deprived, depressed and did not know where to turn. After begging my pediatrician for help during a check up for my second born (because yes, I had also become pregnant and given birth during this sleep strike), she directed me to one of the only sleep consulting practices around at the time. When I called I was both shocked and completely dismayed to discover that it would cost a very small fortune to hire help to solve the sleep problems in our home. I remember thinking that clearly the only people that this service exists for are the very wealthy. People with thousands upon thousands of dollars at their disposal, and while we were financially comfortable there was no way we could have afforded more than the on- hour phone call session. No support, no actual plan, just the part where we talk about what is going on and get a few tips. I remember telling the woman on the phone that I didn’t even think an hour would be enough time to tell her what was going on! I was dismayed to say the least but I was also quite fascinated with this profession. I stuck it in the back of my head not considering that, years later, it would re-emerge as a passion and as my “second act” profession.
Sleep is such a vital part of our health and well-being. Especially for children as it also plays a major role in their growth and development. When we have our babies we are flooded with the warnings and messaging that we will never sleep again, that we should get used to the sleepless nights and sleep deprivation. The number one question any new parent gets from friends, family…the woman in the grocery store ogling the baby, “How is (s)he sleeping?” This is not a coincidence. Similar to breathing and eating, sleep is a fundamental human requirement. It has even been suggested that a human can survive three times longer without food as they could without sleep. While we do not have medical evidence of how long a human can actually go without sleep we do know that when we do not get adequate sleep we do not thrive. When our children aren’t sleeping, they are not thriving. When parents aren’t sleeping, they are not thriving. Having children is hard work. Most babies are born with inverted sleep schedules and they need to eat frequently. Sleep is impacted and at times scarce, but it does not have to be as bad as the messaging that has been created around sleep. Your baby, your toddler, your child CAN learn to put him/her-self to sleep independently with just a little help.
One of the questions I often get when I tell people that I am a child sleep consultant is “What is that?” A Child Sleep Consultant works with families to create healthy sleep habits for infants, babies, and children. Sometimes we work to set up healthy foundations and avoid potential sleep issues, and sometimes we are working to resolve existing sleep issues. This emerging field has grown quite a bit since my soul crushing experience years ago, and I am happy to see that as a result, it is a far more accessible service. The growth of this field also means that there is variety in regard to both the education and experience a consultant has and how a particular consultant approaches their practice. Some consultants are certified and some are not. I recommend a certified consultant as they have likely received a formal training in sleep science, child sleep and development, health and safety and a variety of behavioral methods, at the very least. Some consultants only practice one method of sleep coaching or training and may even guarantee results in days. My certification and training allows me to practice a more holistic approach. I look into all aspects of the family and the whole child. Their needs, goals, the temperament of the child, the emotional well-being of the child, the caregiver, history, schedule, diet…on and on. It is only once I have all the information and sleep foundations are strong that I implement an appropriate behavioral approach, which in some cases is not even necessary! If it is necessary to choose a behavioral approach to resolve a sleep issue or association, I work with the parents in choosing, modifying or creating the best approach that is going to work for the child and the family. Making sure the approach can be carried out consistently is key, therefore the parents or care-takers implementing the plan must be comfortable with it…which always leads to the other most asked question, “Do you believe in “Cry it out?”
…You can find the answer to that question here! (http://www.sleepybyefamily.com/single-post/2016/06/02/Temporary-Post)
Wishing you great naps and Happy Holidays!
Justine O’Neill
There is more on the “About” page that talks more about her approach and what you can and cannot expect. It is definitely a 2-way street in what Justine O’Neill Finney does. Even Mary Poppins wasn’t perfect. (She was practically perfect, but not 100% perfect). You can find out more at SleepyByeFamily.com about Justine’s approach ( click Here) as well as blog posts and other very useful information.
Stevie Wilson,
LA-Story.com
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Spot on. Great story!