This blog post is an event (or more than one) that occurs frequently online– particularly on Facebook. It’s a telling situation when you get into this and someone asks to “friend” you and you wind up in the midst of their life – and their trying to get you to cooperate in supporting their activities and lives–as a means of displaying friendship (REALLY that’s friendship?)
Dorien Morin-van Dam tells us how to identify these people and what to do about it.
It just happened again yesterday! I was working hard – you know, Monday and all – and I saw a friend-request pop up on my Facebook profile. I waited until lunchtime to see who had requested to be my friend. It was someone whom I did not know or had ever heard of, however, we had quite a few friends in common and we live in the same town. As a social media manager, I do accept friend requests from people who fit those requirements. The request happened to come at a time right after I’d created a Facebook event for my workshops. I thought I was getting a request because someone wanted to connect to go to my event. So I accepted, looked at the profile of my new friend, now as a Facebook friend, and went on my merry way and didn’t think much more about that new Facebook friendship.
Until 30 minutes later…
I was on my iPhone and I saw notifications about a Facebook group I knew nothing about; I was put into a new group (I dislike that, so so very much!) AND…yes, I received an invite to a Facebook event from my new Facebook friend to join her fundraising efforts.
Noooooooooooooo…………! People, please stop this craziness.
Here are some Facebook etiquette rules for ‘friending and accepting’ new friends. If you are doing the requesting, please remember; when in doubt, wait it out! If you doing the accepting, remember; when not ‘dear’, stay clear! (I should have heeded that advice yesterday!)
Once you friend-request someone and they accept, do not
put that person in a group without their permission
invite that person to an event immediately
spam their wall with your business or personal posts
tag that person in photos
send them game requests
‘like’ every post on their wall from the last month
send a private or group message to sell something
ask for an online vote for something
This really sends the wrong signals! If that happens, like it did yesterday, the signal I get is; “You are one of many. I care not for you, but for your vote, ‘like’, money, business etc.” I am sure many of the offenders do not intentionally go out to send that signal, but let me tell you; that’s how it’s received. I can see it no other way. The person who sent me that friend request yesterday got NOTHING out of our 30 minute friendship. Nothing. I un-friended her as fast as I could. Further more, she damaged not only her own reputation, but also the reputation of the people who we (briefly) shared friendships with. I am going to be very cautious with those people, because I am left wondering how they could like that person and be friends with them.
LONG LASTING FACEBOOK FRIENDSHIPS
So what is the right way to do it?
I knew you’d ask! I suggest you only request Facebook friendships with people you’ve interacted with on some level (in person, on a friends’ page, in a Twitter chat, on your blog, on their blog , etc.) and only when you are absolutely sure that person will recognize your name! Reason being that you could end up in ‘Facebook Jail‘ if your request was denied and reported as spam or harassment!
Recap: only send friend-requests if you
know the person
have met the person
are family
send and introductory private message first
have had an email exchange before sending the request
have had online interaction on your blog, Twitter, your Facebook Page or on the page of a friend
30 minute Facebook friendships are a waste of 30 minutes better spent elsewhere!
YOUR TURN
Do you accept all friend-requests? Are you selective in any way, and if so, what are your guidelines? How many Facebook friends do you actually have?
I’d love to know if this post was helpful to you. Please let me know in a comment.
Dorien
photo credit: Gìpics via photopin cc
Twitter: @MoreInMedia (7,934)
facebook.com/MoreInMedia
Dorien Morin-van Dam http://moreinmedia.com
About Dorien Morin-van Dam
Dorien is owner and social media marketer at More In Media. Dorien enjoys social media training, educating and consulting and is passionate about teaching social media to small business owners. In her spare time, Dorien manages five kids, two dogs and a husband. She runs marathons and loves to bake, travel and read.
Thanks to MoreinMedia.com’s Dorien Morin-van Dorn for her insight take on Facebook Friends and how people manipulate them to their own advantage — not because they want to be friends in the truest sense of the word!
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LA-Story.com
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Every now and then I notice that I’m in a group that I never joined. I don’t understand how somebody else can choose for me to join a group without my consent.
Facebook is particularly annoying because it keeps changing the rules. So you work out how to stop something and they change it…and you have to work it out all over again!
I think FB needs to clean up their botches (read mistakes) and address them. I WISH they would do this OFTEN when they make these changes and fail to tell us the people who help them make their money.
Since their flipping ads make so much money for them and that’s courtesy of us…. they should really listen to the users and make sure the UX is flawless
FB regularly makes the users angry, sometimes for no reason. The group thing is weird, as are the big group private messages that are offers or spam. I drop those who misbehave, same as twitter.